Owen
Kali
LeightonFiled under: Film, Girls, Music, TV, Web | Tags: alicia keys, avatar, aziz ansari, back to the feature, ben stiller, blakroc, conan o'brien, district 9, eminem, empire state of mind, flu shot girl, forever, gorillaz, hank azaria, james cameron, jay-z, Kanye West, lady gaga, michael bay, mo'nique, mos def, night at the museum, only built for cubal linx part 2, paparazzi, parks and recreation, plastic beach, precious, raekwon, rosa acosta, star trek, stephen colbert, the ecstatic, tom haverford, tonight show, transformers 2, wale, welcome to heartbreak, wu-tang, zoe saldana
So with the passing of the Grammys, the Oscars are left as the only major award show left for 2009. Which means it’s high time for our own Year-End Awards. I know you’re thinkin’ it’s late, but really we’ve had more time for 2009 to sink in. Without further ado, here are our picks for the best and worst of 2009.
Entertainer of the Year: Stephen Colbert
This was a tough category, but really there aren’t many professions in the entertainment industry where you even have the opportunity to deliver all year long. In that respect a late night talk show gives you a bit of an advantage, but even then Colbert beat out tons of competition. Put simply this was a year fro politics. It was the first year of the first term of the first black president and the country was in a pretty shitty state. Thankfully we had Colbert’s unique brand of satirical punditry to guide us through. Without it, all of the ridiculous political posturing would have been infuriating instead of hilariously frustrating. Highlight of the year: Colbert’s gets his head shaved.
Film of the Year: District 9
My favorite kind of film. Intelligent, entertaining, unconventional, probing and badass. This is the kind of film I hope to make on day. You come for the action/coolness, stay for the social implications, and leave with questions. And it’s real as hell.
TV Show of the Year: The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
There were better shows this year. There were certainly shows I watched more often. But in the wake of everything that’s happened at NBC over the past few weeks, it seems only right to hand this honor over to this now defunct incarnation of the Tonight Show. It was very good, and it could have been great with a little more time. That said the seven months we got were still entertaining as hell.
Album of the Year: “Only Built For Cuban Linx Part 2″ by Raekwon
If anyone was still wondering if Wu Tang was forever, here’s your answer. Raekwon delivers the best Wu album in basically a decade, and an instant classic. What’s so extraordinary about the second Purple Tape is that it’s this good without a signature cut. New Wu is the head nodder but really the whole album unravels like one intricate tapestry, songs interwoven together. It’s truly a singular piece of art.
Song of the Year: “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys
Jay-Z finally gets the one accolade he was missing, a number one single. And somehow he’s done it while still avoiding the lowest common denominator. He refuses to sell out, he just keeps buying in. Anyway, the song fucking knocks, and Alicia Keys deserves maybe more credit for her soaring hook than Jay does for his high-end verses.
Music Video of the Year: Welcome to Heartbreak by Kanye West
There’s nothing wrong with your computer. They did that on purpose. Impressive, I know.
Mixtape of the year: “Back to the Feature” by Wale
It’s stupid how much better this tape is than his actual album.
Verse of the year: Eminem in “Forever”
He raps in triplets. TRIPLETS!!!
Viral Video of the Year: Flu Shot Girl
Don’t laugh, it’s not funny.
Dime of the Year: Tie – Zoe Saldana and Rosa Acosta
It was quite the year for Zoe Saldana. The beautiful and talented actress played the lead in Avatar, which in all likelihood will go down as the highest grossing movie of all time, until Avatar 2 comes out. Of course she’s never seen in the film, but only represented but an incredibly lifelike digital blue vixen. So she also helped revolutionize filmmaking in that sense. On top of that she also deftly assumed the mantle of Uhura in the Star Trek reboot which was a hit during the summer of 2009. SO basically she starred in the two best blockbusters of the year, and killed both roles. All of these accomplishments have her deadlocked in a tie with newcomer Rosa Acosta because Rosa Acosta looks like this.
Comeback of the Year: James Cameron
With his first narrative feature film since Titanic James Cameron is on the verge of breaking the record for all-time gross that he set WITH Titanic. What the fuck? Who does that? Seriously?
Disappointment of the Year: Transformers 2
Thank you Michael Bay, for inventing a way to make giant fighting robots NOT cool. You are truly an innovator. (And he got it SOOO right the first time.)
And now for some awards I just made up… but that are still quite important.
The Who Knew Award: Mo’nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Now Matt Damon and Mo’nique are the only two who’ve gotten me close to crying in a movie. One of them was in Soul Plane.
The Future Classic Award: “The Ecstatic” by Mos Def
This album in 10 years will go down as one of the greatest hip hop albums ever. Just give the world some time to catch up.
The Great Idea Award: Blakroc
The Black Keys record a hip hop album with some of the illest MCs ever: great idea. The actual album: mildly enjoyable.
The Timely Quote Award: “On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how pissed is he?” -Tom Haverford from Parks and Recreation
It’s from the episode Hunting Trip. Btw, Parks and Recreation is now the funniest show on network television.
The That Just Happened Award: Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi Performance at the Mtv VMA’s (Musical Performance of the Year)
Don’t play like you saw that coming.
The Beautiful Argument Award: Larry and Kahmunrah from “Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian”
I’ve watched this scene easily over thirty times. It’s still funny.
And what am I the most geeked for in 2010:
“Inception”
The next project from Christopher Nolan, who has yet to make a movie that hasn’t kicked my ass. It’s a sci-fi piece about some kind of war of ideas, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page. It’ll be dope.
“Plastic Beach” by the Gorillaz
I’m in serious need of a Gorillaz fix, and with collaborations from Mos Def, Snoop Dogg, the Hypnotic Brass Ensemble and De La Soul this should be just what I need.
And of course Detox…
Kali- Future Image Award Winner (everybody gets one)
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[...] The Monkey Awards – Kali's picks – They did that on purpose. Impressive, I know. Viral Video of the Year: Flu Shot Girl Don’t laugh, it’s not funny. (No Ratings Yet) Loading … [...]
Pingback by Untaken Road » Blog Archive » The Monkey Awards – Kali's picks February 2, 2010 @ 8:29 amHahaha good job sneaking in you’re own awards without telling anybody. And using the collective pronouns.
check your facebook, I told y’all. And collective pronouns my ass, it says Kali’s picks. Do your own. -Kali
Comment by Owen February 2, 2010 @ 7:47 pmDear aspiring screenwriter(s),
Care to comment on the following blog post? I’ve never been involved in film and would like your take on this: http://jezebel.com/5468003/coming-on-tv-this-fall-fewer-new-shows-written-by-women
Comment by saturnblogging February 9, 2010 @ 8:20 pm